I\’m jus\’ sayin\’

July 31, 2007

It Never Ends

Filed under: fighting,work — Bwandungi @ 3:44 am

Been wondering what happened to me. Why it is that over the years my cynicism has reached a new level. Then a day like today happens and it all comes rushing back.

I’ll be the first one to say that I hate reading blogs that are all about bemoaning the “man.” I don’t believe that solutions to regular plights can be found by garnering the comments of friends and loved ones. Self reflection, understanding, accepting humanity in all it’s degenerate glory… that is the way to go.

But today was just one of those days when all I wanted to do when I came home was act silly and play the banjo and my conga drums. Okay, so I don’t have conga drums, but when I turn my trash pail upside-down, it works pretty well too! Oh, and I don’t have a banjo either.

Disrespect is something that cannot be taken lightly and now I find myself in the middle of a battle of the mind. I’m a simple creature who likes dorky online games (http://www.addictinggames.com/theimpossiblequiz.html) and weird movies with soul crushing themes. Sparkley things get me distracted and if I don’t eat chocolate on a regular basis, my skin becomes dull. The intricate nature of mind games is totally lost on me. Sometimes I dabble, but extreme boredom quickly sets in when I realize I’m the only one dabbling. Women have turned it into an olympic sport!

The battle of the wills in a workplace is never something to shy from. My unvarying desire to maintain an atmosphere of peace and goodwill between myself and those with whom I must work is now causing me grief and I have to stand up for myself and take care of ‘bidness’ so to speak. It makes my soul so weary and worn to think of the battle I have waiting for me tomorrow morning BUT I have no choice in the matter. Either I steel my insides, grab a helmet and sword and jump into the fray OR get crushed like the proverbial bug unable to get out of the way.

So I find myself, quite like Theoden, set upon by a rabble of uncouth and filthy warriors who don’t just want my land, they want my life! But I set my will against theirs, like a long sharp lancet, against which my enemy will be impaled. I prepare for a war whose outcome is unknown. With the things I treasure most tucked away in a safe place I face the NEW enemy and with a steely edge in my voice that has not been heard in close to 14 years, say,

… and so it begins.

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