I\’m jus\’ sayin\’

January 25, 2008

Going Green

Filed under: Uncategorized — Bwandungi @ 5:29 am

going-green.jpg

This was my entry for the going green contest going on on Facebook.

Not a lot to rant about today. I have a cold. I got it from talking to my brother on the phone. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it!!!

Off to bed now.

January 24, 2008

Drawing!

Filed under: Uncategorized — Bwandungi @ 8:07 am

TV Show on right now: Project Runway
Footwear: None. Toes are cold
Popsicle flavor: Banana(n)
Living out Loud Project: In development stage.

My birthday just passed. My family always remembers my birthday (well, except my brothers — sometimes) and I got emails and phone calls from them.

Afro GirlMy presents included a plush stuffed dog, a singing birthday card, a drawing tablet and money (muahahahahaha!). I was going to get an iphone, but they’re not yet supported in the place where I’m going so… I have to be careful. I’m still thinkin’ I might want to have an ipod touch.  It was a great birthday. In honor of my bamboo tablet, I’m going to draw every day and practice my skills!

Yesternight, I was watching a documentary that was done by a young man who belonged to the Bloods in California. For those of you who are not familiar with the Bloods and the Crips, there is a brief history of these gangs on the Wikipedia website.  CRIPS is an acronym for Community Revolution In Progress and was supposed to follow in the footsteps of the legendary black panthers in stimulating and leading social change in African American Communities.

Somehow the leaders were unable to get the followers to work towards changing their societies. Instead they became drug dealers, they were responsible for robberies, murders and other such violence one against another. Then one neighborhood had a disagreement with another neighborhood and since it persisted they broke away and became the Bloods.  Now this is where it becomes a little complicated. Since these gangs ruled neighborhoods, if you were not affiliated with the one where you lived, there was no guarantee that you were going to be protected! They operate on a very complicated system with varying hand symbols representing each group, neighborhood and so on and so forth. One wrong move and you’re toast – literally!

In watching the documentary a number of things became increasingly clear in my mind.

  • Some people cannot count very far. There seemed to be only two options for these men. Work at McDonalds OR sell drugs.
  • Education is failing this society so much. If the love of reading has not been cultivated in a child before they are 12, there is a great likelihood it’s not going to be there! The giant is about to fall!
  • Speech therapy is not such a bad thing if it sounds like you have a wad of cotton stuffed in your mouth.
  • Poverty as a state of mind will always triumph over even the best education.
  • If you dedicate yourself to something, you will get it. Even if it’s murdering other people’s children/mothers/fathers.

By the end of the show, I felt such a sense of despair. For a short period one summer, I lived with an African American girl in some of the poorer neighborhoods in St. Louis. I got to see the cycle of poverty instilled in children whose only desire was to be like the characters they saw on TV and in movies, like it was all real. I cannot help feeling sorry for these people who have had to compete in a world where the odds are stacked against them from the beginning.

I don’t know how to feel about these impoverished Africans who are also American. No leader past or present can bring about a change that would mean anything. Most of them will not be involved in the political process about to happen and may not even know how to say his name. I met one who had no idea who Condoleeza Rice was!!!!!

*sigh*

I’m moving to Canada anyway.

January 7, 2008

Brand New Week

Filed under: Uncategorized — Bwandungi @ 1:17 am

Mood: Bored
Book: Children of Hurin (J.R.R Tolkien
Christmas Tree: Still up
Tech toy I’d kill for: iphone
How I’d Kill for tech toy: Strangulation,  Dexterization,  in Hobo Wars (facebook)

I’ve been writing a short story for a friend. It was supposed to be a short story, but it’s kinda turned into a 4 part story.

The truth is, I love to write. I love the process of developing a story and making it something that another person would want to read. I love the feel and the sound of the keys on my keyboard while I pound out my thoughts. I love watching someone get sucked into the story and wanting to read more. It’s an artists pride, is it not, when one’s work is admired and lauded.

Here I stand, almost afraid to take the next step into dedicating myself so wholly to one task. The opportunity sits there, waiting to be taken and I’m almost afraid that if I try something is going to go wrong and I’ll be left with my stories collecting dust on the shelf where they have been the past few years.

Everything I’ve desired with my heart has been discouraged. Don’t imagine that there is an exterior source. It’s all been me. I’ve never been good enough in my own eyes and have effectively crippled my own efforts. Singing, acting, art and now I’m fighting the urge to sabotage my desire to write stories.

Ah well…

January 5, 2008

Filed under: Uncategorized — Bwandungi @ 8:00 am

It’s late at night. I’m stuck trying to figure out something in access and I really wish I knew what it  was.

 I’ve joined forums, I’ve searched the help thingy (which by the way Microsoft, is of NO HELP whatsoever!) and I’ve finally decided that maybe the meaning to life isn’t going to be found with Microsoft Access 2007. Xaarness!

 Sigh…

Wish me luck!

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