I\’m jus\’ sayin\’

July 31, 2007

It Never Ends

Filed under: fighting,work — Bwandungi @ 3:44 am

Been wondering what happened to me. Why it is that over the years my cynicism has reached a new level. Then a day like today happens and it all comes rushing back.

I’ll be the first one to say that I hate reading blogs that are all about bemoaning the “man.” I don’t believe that solutions to regular plights can be found by garnering the comments of friends and loved ones. Self reflection, understanding, accepting humanity in all it’s degenerate glory… that is the way to go.

But today was just one of those days when all I wanted to do when I came home was act silly and play the banjo and my conga drums. Okay, so I don’t have conga drums, but when I turn my trash pail upside-down, it works pretty well too! Oh, and I don’t have a banjo either.

Disrespect is something that cannot be taken lightly and now I find myself in the middle of a battle of the mind. I’m a simple creature who likes dorky online games (http://www.addictinggames.com/theimpossiblequiz.html) and weird movies with soul crushing themes. Sparkley things get me distracted and if I don’t eat chocolate on a regular basis, my skin becomes dull. The intricate nature of mind games is totally lost on me. Sometimes I dabble, but extreme boredom quickly sets in when I realize I’m the only one dabbling. Women have turned it into an olympic sport!

The battle of the wills in a workplace is never something to shy from. My unvarying desire to maintain an atmosphere of peace and goodwill between myself and those with whom I must work is now causing me grief and I have to stand up for myself and take care of ‘bidness’ so to speak. It makes my soul so weary and worn to think of the battle I have waiting for me tomorrow morning BUT I have no choice in the matter. Either I steel my insides, grab a helmet and sword and jump into the fray OR get crushed like the proverbial bug unable to get out of the way.

So I find myself, quite like Theoden, set upon by a rabble of uncouth and filthy warriors who don’t just want my land, they want my life! But I set my will against theirs, like a long sharp lancet, against which my enemy will be impaled. I prepare for a war whose outcome is unknown. With the things I treasure most tucked away in a safe place I face the NEW enemy and with a steely edge in my voice that has not been heard in close to 14 years, say,

… and so it begins.

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Getting Twisted

Filed under: black,fashion,hair,heritage,honor,nappy — Bwandungi @ 2:09 am

Can I just say this?

Truth be told, I didn’t always love it. There were countless Sundays after my Mom had brushed and combed my hair into submission, that I balanced a carefully sculpted coiffe through Sunday School, play and countless children’s fingers Mom would always ask what I’d been doing all day to get my hair that messy. All I wanted was a pony tail like all the other girls were wearing.

It has been many years since Mom took care of my hair. I wore it natural for many years, then relaxed, in braids, wore it for 5 years in dreadlocks and then cut them all last year so I could find a job. Turns out I didn’t need to, but it was time for change anyway.

The struggle continues. Every weekend I have to allow my hair to breathe, I have to drench it in all kinds of exotic oils and then I have to twist it up to protect it from the elements. It’s a lot of hard work and seems to consume a lot of time and effort. However, when I stand in front of a mirror and see the texture of my hair, the way the wiry nature holds together to form beautiful twists, I can’t help feeling a little pride in my heart. I have beautiful hair and it is beautifully nappy!

I loved growing dreadlocks. I loved the effort it took every Sunday to wash and condition and twist. I look forward to seeing what my hair can become.

That is almost what this blog became about. But for now I’m going to try something else. I hope you’ll be able to come with me!

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